stop telling your teenage daughters who say they don’t want kids that they’ll change their mind
reblog the shit outta this
I haven’t been a teenager in over a decade. Mind has yet to change on the subject.
At 14, I told my guidance counselor that I didn’t want kids. He chuckled, patted me on the back, and informed me that when I got a little older, and I was with a guy, I would change my mind.
At 16, my grandmother nearly had a heart attack because of her three granddaughters, myself and the youngest agreed we didn’t want to uave babies. Ever.
At 17, my father asked about my life plan. I told him: graduate high school, get my college degree, do some traveling and writing, go for this particular job I wanted, retired around X age, take month-long vacations to places I wanted to spend time in, etc. He asked, “What about a husband? Children? Normal things a girl is supposed to think about?” My response- a husband if a man came along that could share an adventure with me, kids were a No Go. He assured me I would ‘grow up’ qnd change my mind.
At 19, I shocked my former babysitter who had known me since I was a toddler, when I confirmed the rumour she’d heard that I didn’t want kids. She patted my mom’s arm and reassured her in a sweet voice that, “Don’t worry, girls say a lot of silly things before they meet the right fella, and wise up. She’ll give you grand babies”
At 22, I was talking to a college professor who chuckled at my making a comment about how, “thank goodness I’m never going to have to worry about juggling child rearing eith marriage, work, and life”, then she realized I was serious. She asked if I was alright, thinking I could-not (not didn’t-want) kids. I told her the truth, could have but didn’t want to. She was aghast, then told me that I’d change my mind when my husband wanted some kids.
Well, I’m over 30, still have absolutely no desire to give birth, adopt, raise, or have much of anything to do with children. I don’t hate children, I don’t think people who have them are crazy (more power to you, to create and/or care for another person), and I don’t think it’s impossible to have a life AND have children. I recognized at an early age that I don’t have that biological imperative to procreate, I don’t have the patience to deal with children (something that has shown very little improvement as I’ve gotten older, in fact it might be getting worse), and I don’t feel my life is incomplete without creating another life- I am good with living my own and doing my best to enrich the lives of those I care about (I try my best to be a good friend, to be a good sister, good daughter, good pet-owner, and a good person in general).
So please, please stop telling girls (or really kids at all, but especially girls) that they will change their minds. Please don’t tell them that meeting ‘the right guy’ will make them suddenly feel broody, that their potential future husband’s desire to have children will make her reconsider and see things his way. For one, a couple should have had that conversation and decided if it was a deal breaker, LONG before they got hitched. For another, it’s her body that gets to grow and birth another human being- her husband’s desire to be a father doesn’t supercede her autonomy.
Please, let girls make their own choices? Girls are forced to mature too fast as it is and are bombarded from all sides with SHOULD (you SHOULD be a size 2, you SHOULD wear this dress, you SHOULD have a boyfriend to be a normal teen, you SHOULD always smile), they don’t need another judgement from someone who hasn’t walked a mile in their particular shoes. Respect teenage girls and their ability to look at the world, themselves, their situation, and their future, and make an important choice.
*gets off soap box, slides it back under the sofa, lets out a sigh*
Thanks for attending my TED talk. G'night.
And also? Even if she does change her mind later in life? Why are you disregarding her opinion now because that opinion might change later?
If your daughter says she doesn’t want kids, if you act all condescending and completely ignore her, that isn’t going to make her more likely to have kids! If she gets older and decides she wants kids, she might be hesitant to actually have kids because she doesn’t want to hear I told you so or because the way you disregard her opinions has permanently tainted the idea of having kids.
But if your daughter says she doesn’t want kids and you say “Okay, sounds good,” she’ll know that she has your support for her future and if she later says “Actually, I do want kids,” she’ll know that you’ll be just as happy and supportive, and therefore more willing and more enthusiastic about the prospect of having kids.
Or maybe she’ll still think “No, I don’t want kids,” but now she won’t resent you for not believing her when she voices her opinions.
Yes, opinions can sometimes change. No, that doesn’t give you the right to disregard anyone’s opinion now.
90% of my reasons for not wanting kids are well thought out and well reasoned. The other 10% is pure unmitigated stubborn spite for everyone who has told me I’ll change my mind.
Like I couldn’t agree with this more that I already do, as I do not want to have children and it’s not even because I feel that is not for me or that I would be a bad mom but because I see so much pain in the world that I wouldn’t bring someone that it’s a part of me to live in this mess, I may adopt in the future if the time comes because there are a lot of kids suffer and if I can do their lives a little bit better I’d do it. It doesn’t matter what’s your reason for not having kids, how you feel is valid and it’s 100% your choice, it’s a life changing decision and no one should try to invalidate it.
no offense but I heard the evil scientist say he likes studying me better than you
Then why’s he up all night diluting my saliva? Check and mate.
well IM getting moved to a separate chamber tonight so he can keep an eye on me. What about that?
Please, he hasn’t even probed your mind yet. Besides, yesterday he told me that my blood diagnostics were, “abnormal” and “potentially hazardous”. How could you possibly compete with that?
*telekinesis throws a soda can at your head*
How dare you!!! Evil Scientist!!! Evil Scientist they’re resorting to violence!!! I do not feel very enriched right now!!! I need a bandage and an IV of juice!!!
this is exactly the behavior i’m talking about. You still need juice rewards and screens. I have evolved past these childish activities, I am a model experiment
*sounds of an evil scientist hurriedly scribbling down notes*
And then you’re complaining about why he only works with one of us at a time, if you can’t behave!
My recent library haul! I don’t usually get this many books out at once but all my reservation seemed to come in at once this month! Can’t wait to start reading these ( and maybe review some of them?)
-The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas
-One Of Us Is Lying by Karen McManus
-A Scot in the Dark (Scandal & Scoundrel, #2) by Sarah MacLean
-The Day of the Duchess (Scandal & Scoundrel, #3) by Sarah MacLean
Platonic love is not a runner up to romantic love. Platonic love isn’t second place. Platonic love isn’t less real, less valid or less powerful than romantic love. Don’t let your platonic love take a back seat to romantic love.
